Movies and a man's heart

Watching this movie last night, I hit the pause button one too many times. At first, it was only to get drinks and some snacks or for trips to the bathroom. Passing midway of the movie, it developed to an urge to quit watching.

The storyline was frustating. One part of me hoping the Chris Wilton character to get away from his crime, to deal with somekind retrospection and soul searching, and then to move on with his life. The other part sympathized with the wife character, to be genuinely in love like that and not the least bit suspecting what really happened behind her sugar coated life. The character played by Scarlet Johansen, although leading a tragic death, was not really hitting my base.

Anyhow, this is the only Woody Allen movies I can understand. As what Mr. Berardinelli points out,

Some of the differences are immediately evident: Allen does not appear on-screen, the setting has been shifted from New York to London, and the cast and crew are predominantly British. Other aspects, although no less important, are more subtle. Allen's usual "voice" is absent. Match Point does not deal with a neurotic character and there are no May/December romances. The comedy is minimal.

The next movie was to see what the hype is all about the story of two gay cowboys. Through out the movie, I see it not as a controversial public potrayal of homosexual relationships but more about love --with accompanying lust-- and how people decide to act or not to act on it.

I was surprised at the setting timeline --in the 60's and spans 20 years after as opposed to what I had thought to be in the early 19, 20th century where the stories of the Western genre reigned. I was overjoyed to think that it may help us to identify more with the story since it's being so close to our so-called modern life.

Overall, two really good movies. I am glad I can cross those two from my list. I am going to watch this next to counterbalance this feeding of love stories one after another.

---

Nda, lo mo lari sekarang?
Ayok.
Hmm...kita lari besok pagi aja ya.
Ha ha ha. Trus ini tujuannya nelpon apa?
He he he. Mo bilangin, kita nggak usah lari malem ini. Besok pagi aja 40 menit, gimana?
Ya udah, ayok.
Tapi lo tau kan kita emang nggak bakal lari malem ini?
Ya gue taunya elu kerja ampe malem, udah capek banget pastinya.
He he he. Iyah, ini lagi jalan pulang. Gue laper banget lagi.
Kenapa nggak makan di situ aja?**
Ah, males gue makan di situ. Ya udah deh, mendingan kita istirahat dulu malem ini. Makasih, Nda. Sampe besok.
Sip. Dagh.

**Tadinya gue mo nawarin elu makan malem di tempat gue. *hela napas* Tapi nggak enak kalo sampe keikut a way to a man's heart is through his stomach.

Confession

I have developed a knack to jot down mushy feeling in too many different medias, be it here in the blog (90 % of the time), in that handwritten semblance of a diary (when it's getting too personal), and lastly on the draft folder of my cellphone.

Those text messages, never intended to be sent out, sit there for a day or two or more, until I grow over them and decide to delete them entirely. Last night's includes a Blaise Pascal quote, "The heart has its own reason which reason does not know." And the other part of the message was "Miss you, miss the idea of you...of us."

This morning, a one word text message arrived. And I replied.

Halo back. Who's this?

Imagine my surprise. Let me put it this way, in the words of that Kathleen Kelly character, "I wanted it to be you. I wanted it to be you so badly."

OK, y'all should've started a drinking game with the number of references to this, this and this that have surfaced both in here and and in the old blog. Hey, who says that I'm a hardcore feminist? More like a hopeless romantic. He he he.

Dirgahayu LXI, RI

Tujuh belas agustus tahun empat lima
Itulah hari kemerdekaan kita
Hari merdeka nusa dan bangsa
Hari lahirnya bangsa Indonesia
Merdeka

Sekali merdeka tetap merdeka
Selama hayat masih di kandung badan
Kita tetap setia tetap setia
Mempertahankan Indonesia
Kita tetap setia tetap setia
Membela negara kita

--17 Agustus '45, H. Mutahar

Daily mass, the Virgin and chastity

Sometimes, I'm grown weary to my egoistic nature. Take for instance, how I love to go to daily Mass, simply because there are only a handful of people attending. I would have the whole pew all by myself and so would almost everyone else, unless, they come in pairs or as a family. We are the elite of churchgoers, we have 30 minute to partake in daily blessed sacrament. Deeply I hope this would help us to become "better" people.

Maybe I'm comfortable with the way these humble bunches dress, they do not put too much effort and are not as flashy and showy as some people on Sunday Masses. Mostly, it's the hollow feeling inside the church as the warm light falling down from the big tall windows as the summer day slowly turn into night. A nice contemplative way to end the day.

On another note, the Assumption feast yesterday was interesting. It was also my first time attending. People here do really take Holy Days of Obligation as an obligation. For instance, the communion line was as long as a normal Sunday Mass.

A few minutes before the Mass started, a young man came and sat on my proclaimed pew, invading my personal space a little too much. I sit awkwardly and kept reading the misalette and the description of the painting on the cover (The Virgin and Angels, by Bouguereau). The answer came a few moment later, he was saving some seats for two of his buddies. And with that, I lost my peace and quiet moment I was hoping for.

Right after homily, the priest leading a group of young teenage girls who would be taking the vow of chastity until marriage. I look at all five and think it must be hard for this generation to be a part of such commitment. First, how does it feel to publicly announce this thing? And second, is it a common practice only for young women? Because, really, it would be more effective if the opposite of the gender follows suit.

Ah, chastity.

Berlari (dari kenyataan)

Kalau dipikir-dipikir, lucu juga. Saya pertama bertemu kamu di lampu merah seberang itu. Kamu menatapi saya, saya balas tatapan tajam itu. Sebenarnya karena sebal, "Kenapa harus melihat orang seperti mau menerkam begitu? Tidak tahu tata krama," pikir saya. Setelah saling berkenalan, ternyata kamu sesama pemakan Nasi Padang.

Sekarang, hampir dua tahun kemudian, kita jadi teman lari yang rutin. Saya disiplin, kamu juga. Sebenarnya, saya yang lebih disiplin, kamu yang lebih kuat.

Di saat kita berlari, kita lebih banyak berdiam diri dan berkonsentrasi. Itu pertanda, kecepatan lari yang sedang di atas rata-rata. Sebaliknya, ketika saya dan kamu saling bertukar fakta, itu pertanda kita berlari seadanya. Setelah saya hitung kemarin dulu, kecepatan lari kita tidak berkembang, 11 menit per mil. "Tapi memang tujuannya untuk membakar lemak," kamu berkata.

Terkadang, kamu mengeluh nyeri di betismu yang mulai bertambah parah, sementara saya mengeluh tentang lambung yang seperti tertusuk, dan di tengah-tengah rute, kita sama-sama kehabisan nafas. Walaupun begitu, kita selalu teruskan larinya sampai ke detik terakhir, hampir setiap hari, 30 menit di pagi hari, 40 menit di malam hari.

Saya pikir, kita terlalu ambisius. Metabolisme memang meningkat (saya merasa lapar setiap empat jam, kamu juga), tapi badan juga jadi sakit-sakitan. Sampai akhirnya minggu lalu, kamu mulai memakai suplemen untuk tulang, otot, dan persendian. Sedangkan saya, cukup yang untuk persendian saja, dong. Hasilnya belum kelihatan dan kita sudah begitu banyak menderita. Ha ha ha.

Masih banyak cerita-cerita dari perjalanan perlarian kita ini. Mungkin saya harus bikin blog baru khusus buat menampungnya? Satu hal yang pasti, saya cukup senang dengan disiplin baru ini, hidup saya jadi lebih bermakna. Apakah kamu juga merasakan hal yang sama?

Mudahan-mudahan, begitu semester baru dimulai, kita bisa tetap sedisiplin ini ya.

Hari Ini

Hari ini adalah Holy Day of Obligation (apa terjemahan bahasa Indonesia-nya ya?) dalam rangka kenaikan Bunda Maria ke surga. Jadi saya nanti berniat ke misa setengah enam sore, kalau tidak lupa. :) Setelahnya makan malam di rumah, istirahat sebentar, lalu lari di rute baru selama 40 menit. Kemudian mandi dan kembali lagi ke laboratorium. Rutinitas tapi saya (sedang) bahagia. :)

"Kenaikan Perawan Maria", Annibale Carracci

Sekalian "ripiu" buku... :p

X (CR) says:
kan di gereja ada pastor baru
masih muda
ehm

d****saur says:
ehm

trus
saking grogi nya ya...saya nyalam dia gitu kan abis keluar dari gereja
kalo orang2 bilang..."How are you doing, Father?"
masak saya bilangnya...."Hello!"
hoaohaohahoaohaohoaoha

hi i'm inda
whats your name??
hahaahahah

hoaohaohaohaoohahoa
iyah...aduh..dosa dosa

iya nih
PASTURRRRRRR

iyaaa...mo di embat juga

haha

saking groginya
nggak berani liat matanya
takut tersepona

aih
uhuuy

hoaohaohohaohaoaohhoaoha
norak ya

:p
moving on
from one crush to the next sounds normal

hoaohaohahoa
unattainable crush-nya
dari satu extreme ke extreme lainnya

hm
jadi inget saman
baca saman ga

enggak
si Ayu Utami kan Katolik tuh

hoahaha iya
anak tarki

ow
gimana ceritanya?

ceritanya ada parts yg mengerikan
dan sangat vulgar
hahahaha

auch..
homo?

ga sih
male female

ok
calon pastor itu ya?

iya hahahahha
salah satu tokohnya tuh ada yg suka sama calon pastur itu waktu masih skolah
tp cintanya tuh beda

beda how?

cinta yg bener2 sayang doang
dan ga mau memiliki
krn emang ga bisa memiliki
aneh deh

eh
sounds familiar

:p
hahahahahha
iya tapi ini pasturr
trus dia nlis surat cinta gitu di diary etc
bertaun2 deh kalo ga salah
tp lovenya bener2 pure
ngga ada lustnya

oh maaaiiii
iyaa samaa

jadi temen2nya pikir itu aneh

"I have 94 % recall of all conversation. I tested it myself."

We were on the cooling down part of our evening run, which pretty much just a walk back from the busy main street to your place. The night was just arriving and the moon was behind us. I would have told you that it was an 83 % of full, a waning gibbous.

"And the significant of it?" you would ask.

"Nothing, just to think that times passes so quickly, it was a full moon only two nights ago," I would answer.

A few yards in front of us, there were a mother and a daughter taking a walk, quite a nice night to walk, really. The curly brown haired girl, a three-year-old at most, was the epitome of undescribable cuteness. I couldn't help myself to shriek, "How cute..."

When we passed them by, I baby voiced the little girl a hello and you waved at her and smiled. She waved back, giggled, and started to walk toward you. Her mother smiled back at us while trying to get her back to their walking path.

Another few yards in front of us, another pair was strolling a slow walk. This time, it was a young couple of husband and wife.

"Itu ibu hamil lima bulan kayaknya ya. Ditemenin suaminya olahraga ringan?"
"Iya kayaknya, kalo dari jalannya. Suaminya ikutan hamil juga tuh, ha ha...perutnya ikutan gede juga."
"Yah kan namanya simpati...ha ha ha."
"Gimana rasanya ya? Pasangan muda gitu, udah mau punya anak."
"Kalo gue pasti panik, mikirnya, ini tanggung jawabnya buat tiga orang."
"Ah, kalo masalah itu, gue gak terlalu takut kok."
"Elu pasti pengen ngasih yang terbaik buat anak elu, kan? Kalo enggak, rasanya kan gimana..."
"Iya dong dan pasti bisa."

You and your confidence.

Congratulations, sunshine

Pre-Script: De, tak curi ya, poto-potonya. Huhu, cameraless...

The graduate and her lovely family (possibly the loveliest family alive).


Say what, girlfriends...


The "-andas" minus KYH. We miss you too much, KYH!


I like this picture.


The dinner party


Inda...Inda...

Random Saturday list

• There is the M&M slogan, "melt in your mouth NOT in your hand." I always insist the candies won't melt in your hand simply because there is not enough time since you immediately eat them off. The fact is, the M&M's have been coated with some sugar compound with melting temperature higher than the average human body temperature, and that's why it won't melt in your hand. The slogan is literal, but I like my implication better.


• With the amount of earthquakes, tsunamis, and natural disasters around, what I always crave for were not the number of victims, the social implication, the ubi actio est-ness of the situation, but rather the scientific explanation, perhaps some simulation, and forecasts. That's why Google News is depressing since it exploits more of the former than the latter. Just another point on this random bullet list.


• Matt Damon and Ben Afflect (and moi), share the same conception towards physchologist. From the Good Will Hunting:

Will: Maybe you were in the middle of a storm, a big fuckin' storm -- the waves were crashing over the bow, the Goddamned mast was about to snap, and you were crying for the harbor. So you did what you had to do, to get out. Maybe you became a psychologist.

• I am in a phase where I have a lot of fun and cordial, jovial feeling towards people in general, which gets reciprocated. But last night, when I get back to my room and read my book, I read nothing, I watched the TV and I see nothing, and the internet was not as attractive as what it has always been. What was I to do? A split second thought came to cry myself out for the same old reason (I've been fighting my way out of the thing I, naturally, blew out of proportion. It's still not a complete avail). Instead, I fell asleep, it was not 11 PM yet, I woke up only once at 3. Man, that was one of the good sleep I've got lately.

• To what it feels like a little after 30 minutes,

"Gue berhenti di ujung situ, ah. Udah capek banget."
You didn't say anything at first and then looking at your watch,
"Sepuluh menit lagi, ya? Kita lambatin larinya?"

Time and Dress

The last two days passed by so quickly. It's the woke-up-at-6:45-AM-did-the-morning-run- shower- breakfast-went to school-before long-it-was-7-PM-time-for-the-evening-run-shower-went-back-to-school-go-home-at- midnight- and-try-to-get-a-decent-sleep routine.

Today, it seems forever and I am hungrier than ever.

On another note, for the first time in my life, I feel that it's going somewhere. The advisor has agreed on the time window for my preliminary exam (last week of November-first week of December this year). I am pretty geared up to prepare for it. If everything goes well and swell, I will be defending by December next year.

Also, for the first time in these whole nine years, I feel homesick and will do anything for a December trip home. I am hoping the advisor will let me go for three weeks.

Ade, I did my last minute shopping (as usual) this morning and found a cute (kinda deep) v-neck dress for tomorrow night. The thing is, the backside also has the same kind of depth as the front. Pede tak ya? HOAHAHAHA. Kinda like this, but with sleeves.

Buat elu...

"Escape may be checked by water and land,
but the air and sky are free"

So, fly to where you will
Never thru the height of the sun
Nor thru the surface of the ocean

And if you ever fall
Spread your wings back with a mightier wax
And whisper a wish to never fall twice

Happy birthday, dear Icarus

(Love you still)

Hopeless romantic

yg lari Sabtu malem rada romantis
ihik
haoohaohaohahoa

knp
hujan rintik?

enggak, bulan hampir penuh dan ada bintang

ouu
sigh

lalu saling bertatapan dan tersenyum
:P
ohaohaohaohaohaoh
*muntah*

hahahahahahaa
kita crave for romance bgt yah

hoooh

kayak desperate housewives
hahahahaha

jadinya apa2 dijadiin sok romantis
pdhl dia gak ada perasaan apa2
haoohaohaoha

:P
hahahah

Knife and Gilmore Girls

I didn't mean to detail every single happening in my life this Sunday. But, really, this shocks me still.

This week, I'm back to seafood mood. And this week, I am equipped to improve my recipe for baked fish --this week it's tilapia fillet. The improved recipe, by the way, involves a significant amount of limes and lemons. It's interesting how they packed the six fillets individually in a vacuum sealed plastic and signed it with a "Perfect for sashimi size." Eeuuww, how long have they've been frozen like that, and you still want to make sashimis out of these fillets?

Anyhow, I roll the limes, slice and squeeze them to the fillets. I then pick the two lemons, intending to do just the same. I remember wondering how lemons are much more harder on the outside than limes (it's the thicker skin). As I put the knife down and apply a little pressure to slice it, it slips.

And there, I have one inch measured opening in my left hand's middle finger. It drips blood quite a lot. I let the water run, put the finger under it while curse. It feels as if it won't stop until forever and at the same time I feel a raised temperature on the said fingers. Is it from the blood or is it what they call trauma?

I move upstairs to fix myself somehow. I'm amazed of the useful things we keep inside the restroom cabinets, among others: 70-percent rubbing alcohol, sterile gauzes, band-aids. Perfect. I clean the wounded finger--it's still dripping blood heavily-- and immediately put the band-aid tightly around.

I move back to the kitchen to finish the baking.

The end.

Oh, as of now, there has been Gilmore Girls Marathon on TV, I've been parking myself in front of the TV the whole afternoon instead of doing the laundry or working on the paper.

I find this quote particularly "interesting." And by interesting, I don't know, it has slipped once or twice in mind, I wish the situation I am in is parallel to this. Ha ha ha. What a naive little girl. Madamoiselle Yvette, I'm sure you get what I mean.

RORY: What's your damage, Heather?
LORELAI: I think I'm dating Luke.
RORY: What?
LORELAI: I'm not sure. It's just a possibility. I could be wrong.
RORY: But how? When?
LORELAI: I went with him to his sister's wedding, and it was really nice. We had a really good time. We laughed a lot, and we ate, and then we danced.
.
.
.
RORY: What else happened?
LORELAI: Nothing. We spent the evening together. We danced, he walked me home, then he asked me to a movie. All of these things individually do not add up to dating, but together, I don't know. And there was this moment, when he walked me home, where I thought -- I don't know.
RORY: Did you say yes?
LORELAI: When?
RORY: To the movie. Did you say yes?
LORELAI: Yes.
RORY: That sounds like dating to me.
LORELAI: But maybe he didn't mean it as a date thing. Maybe he just needed to get out of the house, and since I'm currently one of the women sitting home, thinking, "If I could only find a man like Aragorn," he picked me.

Vino and fridge

I am not thrilled to be a dependent on artificial means, e.g., a glass (or two!) of vino, melatonin intake, just to get a decent nocturnal sleep. Even with the morning and evening running sessions, it's still hard not to feel restless and to shut down myself.

This morning, I went to Target in the seach for one of those insulated lunch bag, and lo and behold, I saw a dorm-size refrigerator on sale for a decent price. This acquisition of the temperature guarding device along with the extra microwave oven I'm planning to bring from home will make the office a more convenient place to live. I already have a coffee maker there too. Ha ha.

What's next? A folding bed?

---

Kayak anak SMA aja...

Z, dia manggil nih! Aww...
oh ya?
tolong ya, agak jual mahal
kalo ngomong, agak ditahan
ha?
jual mahal gimana?
gue nggak gitu orang nya
belajar biar jadi kayak gitu
hmm...jadi jawabnya pendek-pendek
kayak nggak peduli gitu?
iya...
trus agak-agak dicuekin dulu baru dibales?
iya...
hhh..ya udah gue coba
susah banget tapinya, huhuhu
kanngeenn
lo pasti bisa

?

What can beat getting intoxicated at your own place? Safe and sound. Ha ha ha...Off to bed now....

This experiment thing should better be done soon!

10 Favorites
Favorite Season: Fall
Favorite Color: Purple
Favorite Time: Wee morning
Favorite Food: Tuna
Favorite Drink: Sangria
Favorite Ice Cream: Green tea
Favorite Place: New York City
Favorite Sport: Running and basketball
Favorite Actor: Johnny Depp, John Cusack
Favorite Actress: Meg Ryan, Audrey Hepburn, Katherine Hepburn

9 Currents
Current Feeling: Restless
Current Drink: Water and chocolate soy milk
Current Time: 7:37 PM
Current Show on TV: am still in the lab
Current Mobile used: Samsung
Current Windows: Lab*VIEW, many Excel windows, Bloglines, Blogger, RealPlayer
Current Underwear: hhhh!
Current Clothes: C*l*e*a*nroom suit on top of jeans, long sleeves and sweaters
Current Thought: Do I really need to compromise my schedule with the running partner's for this evening's running session?

8 Firsts
First Nickname: I*n*d*a
First Kiss: Hhhhh!!
First Crush: Denny Somebody, 6th grade
First Best Friend: H*e*r*f*i*t*a, elementary school days
First Vehicle I Drove: Mama's Jimny, by myself, without exactly knowing how to drive
First Job: Calculus tutor
First Date: Don't remember
First Pet: Don't like having pets

7 Lasts
Last Drink: Margarita
Last Kiss: NY (on the cheek, still count?)
Last Meal: The best semi-homemade Chicken Pot Pie I made last weekend, a baby peach
Last Web Site Visited: where I got this meme
Last Movie Watched: My Super Ex-Girlfriend
Last Phone Call: D*e*d*y
Last TV show Watched: A Different World

6 Have You Ever...
Have You Ever Broken the Law: Traffic law
Have You Ever Been Drunk: Yes
Have You Ever Kissed Someone You Didn't Know: No
Have You Ever Been in the Middle/Close to Gunfire: That thing they do to scare the birds, does that count?
Have You Ever Skinny Dipped: Nope
Have You Ever Broken Anyone's Heart: I guess

5 Things
Things You Can Hear Right Now: The sound of vacuum exhaust, my online Jazz radio
Things On Your Bed: Body spray, unfinished Chesterton book
Things You Ate Today: Peanut butter sandwich and the above mentioned
Things You Can't Live Without: food and drink, internet, family, people who adore get me
Things You Do When You Are Bored: blog read/write, TV, go running, eat, chat

4 Places You Have Been Today
Office
Lab
ISS
The running route

3 Things On Your Desk Right Now
C*l*e*a*nroom note
Cell phone
Pens

2 Choices
Should I get the new Mc D Chicken Wrap or eat the Chicken Pot Pie again
Should I return to office once I'm done with tonight's running?

1 Place You Want To Visit
Indonesia (any)

"Song in Spite of Myself"

by Countee Cullen

Never love with all your heart,
It only ends in aching;
And bit by bit to the smallest part
That organ will be breaking.

Never love with all your mind,
It only ends in fretting;
In musing on sweet joys behind,
Too poignant for forgetting.

Never love with all your soul,
For such there is no ending,
Though a mind that frets may find control
And a shattered heart find mending.

Give but a grain of the heart's rich seed,
Confine some under cover,
And when love goes, bid him God-speed.
And find another lover.

Random

• I did go running last night. The partner buzzed me on MSN at around 7:30 as he was leaving for home and would be waiting for me there. I then walked home. We ran for 45 min. I found that it's true, evening run is easier than morning run.
• We did go running this morning. My breathing rythm did not improve. His was keep getting better. Gee, I despise my lack of physical fitness.
• As I was walking for school this morning, a new student asked for direction to the Int'l Student Service's building. The campus map he has at hand has no legend. I decided just to walk him there. On the way back to my building, I grabbed the 5-page summer edition of our student newspaper. Aha, here I am reading this thing while some people content with their "higher" reading periodical such as Chronicles even the New York Times.
• I've been reading a blog through the bloglines. It chronicles the life of a single, thirty-something assistant professor --with a Catholic root-- somewhere in the Midwest. I keep imagining this is what my future would look like if I happen to stay in academia. The other day the advisor was sharing stories with me. "If one day, you become a professor, you will know this situation. Professor should have more responsibility than just to pour everything on their students." Yours truly, as a professor? It gives a nice ring to it.

Day 1

And so today is the beginning of the highly anticipated running program.

After a less than succesful attempt to put myself to sleep at 12 midnight (I went through 2 Roseanne's and 2 Cosby's since), I woke up at 6:45, changed, drove to the running partner's apartment and in a timely manner knocked at his door at exactly 7.

We started with a brisk walk from there, then run the shorter distance of our usual route. East on University, right on Texas, another right on Main, towards the campus, all the way in Spencer, back towards Wisenbaker and Zachry, onto the pedestrian walk by the parking lot, and stopped just after passing the University towards the apartment complex. We ran 10 minutes longer than the 20-minute planned. Cool breeze of the summer morning and an empty campus. It was beautiful.

"We are running tomorrow, right? And will take only Friday off?" The partner exhorts. "Yes." I reply.

I found it hard to adjust my breathing even toward the end of the run. Maybe morning run is harder than evening run? Hopefully, tomorrow morning's will be better.

Afterward, he tagged me to go with him to the grocery store. Grocery trip with people
fascinates me, just to get a peek on things they buy, their preferences, their eating habit and stuff. I want to talk more about this now, but really, it deserves its own post.

All in all I feel energized ....and thirsty. I shall report to you more of the occurences of this Day 1, that, if I have enough energy left after tonight's running.

PS:
Hearing your name out loud, dear, it brought a sudden pang in my heart, of days long gone and the memories never forgotten. You'll always be in my pedestal.