Shorties

Electroshock Theraphy

Mommy: "Killian here just squished finger food if they are not the right consistency. 'Oh, it's banana, let me squish it instead of putting it in my mouth.' What can we do to fix this, Daddy? I'm afraid he's never going to move beyond puree..."

Daddy: "We can send him to electroshock therapy...it's probably not gonna fix it but we can try..."

Mommy: "???"

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Engineer Mommy

Mommy: "OMG, Killian only has five diapers left..."

Daddy: "Mommy remembered to check for (car engine) oil status but forgot to get baby's diapers..."

Mommy: *face palm*

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You Don't Know Where that Finger Has Been

Mommy: "Daddy, I'm going to bed with Baby Boy, could you get me some water with in this glass, and don't forget to wash your hands first..."

Daddy: *looks violently patronized* "No, I'm not going to wash my hands, I'm going to give you a surprise instead."

Mommy: "OK, you go lay down with Killian, I'm not outsourcing things important to me to people with questionable intentions. I saw you pick your nose a lot with that finger and you didn't wash it!"

Daddy: "No, I'm going to get you that water....with a surprise..."

Mommy: "Daddy!!!"

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Russian Roulette

Mommy: "Daddy, what are you thinking about?"

Daddy: "Nothing.."

Mommy: "What, what?"

Daddy: "OK, it's about Russian Roulette. When I'm having a party I'm going to have a Russian Roulette explained to the nerds who are coming....You probably don't understand, you probably didn't even know what a revolver is."

Mommy: "What? I don't know what a revolver is. Such an insult. We watched that movie about Russian Roulette together. Anyway, with real guns? You are going to kill yourself?"

Daddy: "We're just gonna shoot it to the ground."
Mommy: "It still can richocet when it hits some stones on the ground..."

Daddy: "This is why guys don't say out loud  what they are thinking all the time, cause you women just don't understand us."

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Character Assasination


Mommy: "Daddy! You're supposed to interact with Killian instead of with your laptop! No wonder he's on ASQ3! We need remedial remediation. Pronto!"

Daddy: "Character assasination!"