Tuesday, October 30, 2007

There's Something in the Air

This morning at the elevator....

So, no class to teach next semester?

Yeah, gotta find another job.

But you told me you'd talked to your advisor...

Yeah, but you know...women...


Please...don't take it personally...

This afternoon in class

Women are crazy (probably referring to that girl he's dating)

You mean, a certain specific woman is crazy...

Monday, October 29, 2007


Still that naive little girl...(substitute mail with some social networking message)
"What will NY152 say today I wonder. I turn on my computer. I wait impatiently as it connects. I go online, and my breath catches in my chest until I hear three little words: You've got mail. I hear nothing. Not even a sound on the streets of New York, just the beating of my own heart. I have mail. From you."

The so-called J-Affair is being reduced to this...
Totally love the socks
I bet no other Philippino has that kind of fashion sense

*hit him with papers* I am not a Philippino! Why are you always
thinking I am a Philippino?

Oh, yeah, I mean Indonesian

and this...



Ha ha...I need to draw it though. You have time?

For you, Babe, I have all the time in the world.

Saturday, October 27, 2007

As posted on FD...

Face of the Day (Casual Friday Edition)

Perfect combination of drugstore and mall brands :p

Foundation: Clinique Superfit
Powder: Clinique Blended Powder
Eyeshadow base: N.Y.C
All over lid and crease: Clinique Twilight Mauve
Eye outer corner: Clinique Brandied Plum
Bone brow highlight : N.Y.C
Bronzer: Wet 'n' Wild
Eyeliner: Maybelline Ultra Liner (upper eye), Sephora Crayon purple (quarter of lower eye)
Lip: L'oreal Sandstone

Uhm...it doesn't look like the actual me.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Live Blogging: The Academe Wanna Be pt. II

I think I'm done with the application...some last minute polishing and then it'll be on its way out to the information superhighway...let the ridicules commence

ha ha...dont be so hard on yourself :P



how do you feel ?
how many application did you send ?

feel? it's a long shot

Adventures of Galaxy Rangers
one of those 80s cartoon
their research lab is called Longshot

that's funny

Live Blogging: The Academe Wanna Be

having a crisis of confidence
I looked at that N*C*SU dept....man...the profs are like dewa/dewi gitu

ha ha

I think they'll laugh at my application

isn't there a placement office or soemthing at ur department?

placement office? career center?

well...not for undergrads
for teaching jobs for Phd candidates
usually lewat ur professors bukan? they'll recommend this or that school

oh let me tell you something....the letter is dated Oct 17...pdhl job opening udah dari September 23 gitu...and it'll be supposedly "closed" next Monday....jadi mereka tuh nggak nganggep A&M dari awal kali ya

well N*C State is a real intense industry supported research place..

I know
I'm just turning it in...see what kind of response (or lack of)

yeah...why not

eh...belum turn in sih,...right now working on my planned research and teaching


Wednesday, October 24, 2007


R stopped by my office the other night.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, he rarely stayed in school pass 7 PM.

"I have experiment to run. Hey, have you looked at that teaching position at NCSU?" He said.

From then on, he did nothing but encouraged me to apply.

"I'm not smart, I'm a hardworker, but I'm not smart." Self-proclaimed honesty hurts.

"You have two advantages, of being a woman and being a minority." He said. "You are gonna be OK."

So with that, he has opened my eyes. I am geared towards seriously thinking about life and work in the academia. It was just never the options before.

One thing that I realized when one pursue a career in the academia is that the pool of applicants is smaller. It has comparably different requirements and works in a different way than the jobs in the industry. At the very least, the application file has a bigger chance to be reviewed by someone on the other end, unlike the online application for big wig industries I've been applying to but have never heard back from.

The biggest problem is to work on ideas for research plan and teaching plan. Thinking about them already giving me a feeling of authority and independence. I'm planning to finish up things tomorrow and submit the resume, cover letter, list of reference, list of publication, and the planned research + teaching activities at night.

I'm having a high time working on this application set.

Wish me luck?

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Before I Forgot

Just got back from ToT. Speaker was none other the Most Reverence Bishop Aymond of Diocese of Austin. My friend told me how they'd tried to get him to speak at our ToT for three years now, until last year when one of them met him in the airport and begged, so to speak, for his time for this year's ToT.

What I've learned from him, other than the gist of the talk it self, is that a good speaker now how to keep a short, clear, and edifying talk to accommodate for audience's attention span. He made it in less than 30 minutes but opened up the floor for questioning and discussion for another hour.

Things to keep in mind and to ponder later on:
  1. Your relationships with others are reflective of your relationship with God.
  2. Relationship with God, like your relationships with others, has its up and down. Embrace it.
  3. Church was built by God, apostolic, and holy, but it also "runs" by human, and with that Church has human-like quality, i.e., bounds to make mistakes.
  4. Your image of God defines your relationship with him.
  5. The peril of separation between God from intellectual mind and God in heart.


hey Pak question
what do you think me as a professor?
susah banget kayanya dapet kerja industri...so I'm going to pursue both...industry and academia

why not...
professors make goooooooooood money

it's not just the money....I want to have some type of personal life too
and to achieve something

a life on campus...
do more research...

yes? okay then....

go for it

it turns out I love teaching
and researching

where r u applying?

there's one at NCSU

very cool place

I'm going to start looking around
what ever school, as long as they have facility

Georgia (UGA) is a cool town...athens
gak tau ada engineering apa nggak tuh sekolah

ok...ideally something "lower" than A&M
there's no way I can apply to better school

i keep telling ya

ok ok

that's an up and comer school

yeah I like TX

trust me
it's like TI's research slaves
it originated as a TI lab

oh ya???

Eric Johnson School of Engineering
one of TI's big wigs
founder...or something

ok..this is exciting


Monday, October 22, 2007


You say You want diamonds on a ring of gold
You say You want your story to remain untold

But all the promises we made
From the cradle to the grave
When all I want is You

You say You'll give me a highway with no one on it
A treasure just to look upon it
All the riches in the night

You say You'll give me eyes in a world of blindness
A river in a time of dryness
A harbor in the tempest

But all the promises we make
From the cradle to the grave
When all I want is You

You say You want your love to work out right
To last with me through the night

You say You want diamonds on a ring of gold
Your story to remain untold
Your love not to grow cold

All the promises we break
From the cradle to the grave
When all I want is You


All I want is...You
All I want is...You
All I want is...You

--U2, All I Want is You

J-Update, a.k.a. Things I Blogged About on Mondays and Tuesdays This Semester
What did you do this weekend?
I ate steak. What's that little town that way?
Yeah..have you been to one of the steak places there?
No, the other one..
He readjusts the collars on my shirt, it takes me by surprise. I was wearing a sweater vest on top of the long-sleeves shirt. The neck area of the vest was cut a bit too high, resulted in an awkward positioning of the collars..
It looks cramped..
Yeah, I've been there...
What else did you do this weekend?
Not much. How was your date?
Which one?
There were more than one?
I had two, one on Tuesday, another one on Thursday
Different girls?

No, no, same girl.
He proceeded to tell how were the dates generally. It seemed he had fun. And me? Well, I feel I can move on from the so-called heartbreak easily these days. There are so many things to worry about and to focus in this life other than boys-related issues.

PS: have only slept for less than three hours today, and I didn't feel all that sleepy.

Thursday, October 18, 2007


This week, I easily had more than 12-hour working day and yet it feels doesn't mean I got a lot of things done. Among the non-productive activities, and by non-productive I mean interfering with paper writing, I was involved with:
  • Assisting with safety inspection
  • Baby-sitting the new student
  • Cleaning my part of the lab, doing unnecessary calibration
  • Going across campus to buy some type of protective wear
  • Dealing with students who wanted a regrading of their report
  • Making poster presentation for the research in preparation for a visit from a company representative
  • Picking up packages for the lab
  • Researching and buying (paperwork and stuff) for lab equipment
No room for breathing. No time for anything else. No wonder I'm still a ...

On the other hand, I got to talk (for 30 minutes) with the company representative who asked for a copy of my resume. A knowledgeable person, yet still humble, and assertive.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

It's Official

It is flattering to come into a conclusion that someone had found you physically attractive. It is heart-breaking to find out that the person has pulled out the attention for reasons (might or might not be) related to your "mind" and "soul".

Oh, well. I congratulate myself to be able to confirm it in the most subtle way possible.

Monday, October 15, 2007


Oh well, it's been a disappointment to experience a level off of flirtatious move from a certain lanky geeky guy. I know I've lost him.

Today, our conversation touched the subject of birth control...from the point of view of a certain religion.
"I, for the most part, agree with the Catholic Church. It's the birth control I'm having a bit of problem with."

"Yeah? Me too. I haven't really thought about it. I mean, I agree completely with the Natural Family Planning, but when it comes down me, I'd say it won't be as practical."

"Yeah? The object is to prevent something from happening, what's the difference with pills?"
Note: We both know and to some point agree to the reasoning behind NFP, it's just the actual practice and discipline. You just have to be a very devout Catholic to be able to practice it.
"I don't know, it becomes too mechanical to me, and so unnatural."

"It all boils down to taking those temperatures, waiting for the right time, or not the right time, and, of course it's different for different woman."

"Yeah, to me it's almost reaching a point of sex is exclusively for creation, never for recreation. Funny, I never think about it this far. I mean, assuming I met a Catholic guy, assuming he wants to do it this way..."

"Hey, I know Catholic guys or girls that married people of other religions, and they still practice NFP. Some Catholics don't practice it and still want to have fun. To me, 30$ a month is better than 2000$."

"What do you mean?"

"30$ for birth-control a month compared if you have to finance a child every month...ha ha.."

So, this has been direction of conversation with him. I just couldn't act differently, and by different I mean to be flirtatious. It's just not me apparently. We then moved on to the education for our (respective) future off-springs.
"I have always wanted to attend a Catholic school. But it was never meant to be. One of my dreams is to send my kids to Catholic schools. If I couldn't go, then my kids should go."

"I want my sons to attend my high school [that parochial all-boy school in Bell*aire]. Part of the reason I want to stay in Houston and work in Houston is just that. I don't think I want to send my daughter to St. Ag*nes [that parochial all-girl school across the parking lot of his high school]."

He told me the reasons, I don't feel like writing them down here.

Ah, just another heartbreak.

Saturday, October 13, 2007

Mixed Review

Say, mo nonton nggak?

Boleh, mo nonton apa?

Michael Clayton, itu loh ceritanya rada-rada epik kayak Lord of The Rings, jadi si George Clooney flashback ke biblical time. Gua suka deh yang model gitu-gitu.

Oh, ok boleh. Tadinya gue mo nonton Elizabeth sih, ok juga yang ini. Ya udah ketemu di sana aja ya, baru dari Rec nih mo mandi-mandi dulu.

And then I went home and took a shower. For no particular reason, even though I was just going out for a movie with a friend, I wanted to put on some attractive outfit and some make up. I was about to go a step further on the beautification, i.e., to straightened my hair, but there wasn't enough time.

Anyway, once I arrived, he already bought me the ticket.

"Rapi amat...gue udah kayak gembel gini, gue pikir lagi pengen nyantai."

"Oh, haha, gak papa kok, gue aja lagi pengen dandan, wiken gitu loh."

There we sat for two hours. We arrived right at the end of the previews.

Halfway through the movie, I had doubt on how the storyline ever would ever transfer back to the biblical time; it was a group of corporate lawyers divided into the classic two categories of bad guys and good guys. I like it anyway. He, on the other hand, seemed not to enjoy the movie.

What kind of reviews he read, I wonder. This is exactly like that one Friends episode where Rachel baked a Thanksgiving pie but mixed up the recipes for a meat pie and one of the fruit pies.

Bu then, it was partly my fault too. I barely had time to beautify myself, let alone to read any of the movie reviews. Sorta a messed up priority, don't you think?

Friday, October 12, 2007


Adding to list of things I despised:

Posed wedding pictures
Company presentation

All the negativity in the world conjured up at this point. Blah.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Rough Patches

OK, so we have this new student in our group right. It's a girl. Today, I saw what I thought was one of those nicotine patches on her arm.

"Are you trying to quit?" I said.
"No, no, I don't smoke. I hate smokers, I hate the particles on you, the smoke, blah...blah..."
And then she added.."This is birth-control."

Yeah, they have birth-control patch nowadays, you know, for convenience. I saw it on TV for sometime.

What I thought was funny is that how negative is her opinion on smoking, on the other hand, free (albeit responsible) sex is something everyone entitled for. There is a live-in maid, I mean, boyfriend in the picture too. Eeewww.... Yeah, I'm that behind in the intimation department.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Health is Overrated

  1. Nosebleed today. I should've recognized that uncharacteristic pressure in my head as the perfect indicator everytime.
  2. Hair loss. I shrieked at the sight of more than a handfull of fallen hair in my hand.
  3. Never feeling full. My brain never got that signal to stop munching once I start.
  4. General tiredness. It's time to resume Rec'ing, I've neglected it this week and last. And with the amount of eating I've been doing, I feel more like an overgrown whale.
  5. The Dotty. I've never been this out-of-cycle for years.

R stopped by today, asked about some publication matter, and wrote something on my whiteboard.

"Como what?" I said.
It turned out he wrote "Hola, Como Estas?" Totally random.

"Seriously, I'm worried about finding jobs. Aren't you? But you don't look worried," I said.

The guy has always kept his cool: the TA job, the research, the conferences, the prelim.

"I am. But I'd been in S*******'s group. I've been trained hard. I can face anything now."

"Good for you."

It's hard to believe how a certain feeling has disappeared without I even realized it.

It Hurts That Much

wah gue baru denger lagu broken heart
mo denger?



it'll be awhile...indonesian internet

liat lirik dulu haha

ha ha
pretty good song...

does it hurt that much?
can a guy got hurt that much?

i dunno...
plenty of fish in the sea

that's what I thought

i'm kidding....maybe sometimes
but not for too long

sementara kalo cewe bisa nggak kawin sampe seumur hidup

yup...which is really stupid if you think about it

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

One Last Time

Before I stopped posting about you...

You were just the cutest when you're bored.

It was a poke on my arm in which you pretended had nothing to do with you.
"What?" I said.
"I didn't do anything." You air-mouthed it harboring the most innocent way possible.
I responded by making a growing nose gesture as in "Grow up, Pinocchio!"

And you asked me oh just another question in the middle of us proctoring the undergrad presentations.
"What did you do this weekend?"
I went amnesiac for a couple seconds.
"Ah, I was sick. But I watch a movie on YouTube," I said after retaining my memory back.
"Nice way to spend a weekend," you snorted.

And then you went on exercising the 5th when I asked if it was your sister featured in the school's career website I happened to stumble upon last night.
"I might or might not have a sister working there. That's privileged information."
"Well, yeah, I was wondering because she has the same name as you and then what a resemblance!"

Really, I just want to eat you or something.

Monday, October 08, 2007

Popcorns and Such

It must be cute to have fights over silly things such as these...[instead, I promised a certain higher authority, I won't be pondering over this kind of stuff and its derivative if I can get a few job opportunities coming my way. I am that desperate.]

"I don't like popcorns."

"Unamerican...I like the buttery smell...uhm...yummy..."

"I hated the smell...yuck...how could somebody have popcorn for lunch?

"I did that..."

"I do love when they are sweet though, what is that thing with the ring inside the box."


"Crackerjacks, yeah..."

"Yeah, I do love caramel popcorn."


"Are you having allergy too?"

"Allergy, what allergy? I was just too tired over the weekend. I got drunk, I went to see the game, I partied. I'm not your average PhD student, I have more undergraduate friends --and kept adding it more-- than graduate friends. My nose looks yellow because..."

"Ah. Yeah, you are. Well...You want a tissue or something?"

"No!" while gesturing his head just so and he kept sneezing, coughing, and had trouble breathing.

After a couple more of those, I took out the extra tissue from my bag...


"No, why?" He said while was generally irritated by my so-called term of affection.

I shook my shoulders and looked back at the presentation in front of us.

A few minutes later, he lightly tapped on my arm and took the tissue I had pulled out for him and used it to swipe his runny nose.

"Why was it so hard to admit that you too can get sick? What a type-A!" I should have told him that, instead, I just smiled nonchalantly.

Sunday, October 07, 2007

Always Caught in a Candid Moment

What did I do here?

Sure, the camera adds about 50 lbs, but I like my (subtle) eye makeup.

Candid moment is never the case with NY...

Saturday, October 06, 2007


"I need to sit down," I said to my friend. I was helping her organizing a display of arts and crafts from all over the world at church.

"You're not feeling well, eh?" She offered to bring me some medicine later.

"It's okay, it's just allergy." We went ahead with the display and finished a quarter to 7.

I went home and felt to sick to drive around. All I want to do is to curl up under a blanket and watch one of my favorite movies of all time. The only video copy I have is not working and YouTube does not have it as a stream. I settled for The Way We Were and felt content watching it under the blanket with my stock of tissues and fluids nearby.

When someone is proven to be too friendly with anyone especially those of the opposite sex, all of this person's charming attitude suddenly goes down the drain. Should've known that before. On the other hand, I might be pulled in into a chance to be in a relationship, with someone I don't really admire. It's too old to be playing this game at this age.

Friday, October 05, 2007

Caught Up

Enough with boys, back at regular blogging...

I am writing two different proceedings in tandem, both using the same topics. It's not easy to make a distinction on what to put in each manuscript. Before I even go further, I still have no idea on how to take the available data and compile them into something coherent.

There is also a question if I need more data. I am having problem with the programming, or should I say, the limitation of what the program can do to communicate with the measurement machine. And if the measurement work, this new set of data is sort of out of place.

The thing is I am having some sort semblance of a sore throat and a leakage in the nasal passage, which when combined with this slight headache, are successfully claiming my ability to concentrate on things. Not that I do a great job in the attention span department before anyway.

On the job front, I applied online to a couple more openings today. Job searching is the first thing I do once I get out of the bed every single day since last week. I still haven't heard from any company so far with a chance for interview.

I have the utmost intention not to screw whatever future interview(s) opportunity(ies) entails. I make that a pact with myself. You are your own worst enemy.

Now, happy weekend.

Thursday, October 04, 2007

I*n*t*e*l, This Is For You

90 miles outside Chicago
Can't stop driving
I don't know why
So many questions
I need an answer
Two years later
You're still on my mind

Whatever happened to Amelia Earhart
Who holds the stars up in the sky
Is true love once in a lifetime?
Did the captain of The Titanic cry?

Someday we'll know
If love can move a mountain
Someday we'll know
Why the sky is blue
Someday we'll know
Why I wasn't meant for you

Does anybody know the way to Atlantis?
Or what the wind says when she cries
I'm speeding by the place where I met you
For the 97th time tonight


Someday we'll know
Why Samson loved Delilah
One day I'll go
Dancing on the moon
Someday you'll know
That I was the one for you

I bought a ticket to the end of the rainbow
I watched the stars crash in the sea
If I could ask God just one question
Why aren't you here with me?


Someday we'll know
Why Sampson loved Delilah
One day I'll go
Dancing on the moon
Someday you'll know
That I was the one for you

--New Radicals, Someday We'll Know, 1998

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

Boys Again

Let's just say I initiated a conversation with a boy in the elevator last week, no udang di balik bakwan, just straight up conversation. We graduated Bachelor's together and his name was a spot before me on the graduation ceremony. We never spoke during those undergrad days, but on that ceremony, he asked if his wore his cap all right, not tilted or anything. I straightened the cap slightly and off he went to the stage for his diploma.

On that elevator conversation, I found out he came back for grad school last year and will start his PhD soon after defending the M.S. thesis.

"Well, if you ever want to visit the 7th floor, I'm up there all the time, I'll give you a window tour. My office is 7XX."

"Cool. Mine is 5XX."

Today around 12 PM he came up here. At first I thought he had wanted to see our infamous yellow-lighted labs, so I showed him around a bit, but in the end he asked me out to lunch. Really, it was okay. There were awkward moments and dead air, nothing beyond expectation. On the other hand, it made me miss a certain lanky geeky boy even more.

You know what, "boy hunting" is indeed parallel to job searching. You might find a lot of opportunities, but nothing comes up with a promising offer.

Tuesday, October 02, 2007


"H******, H*******", he whispered my name in a made up singing tone, "are you Catholic?"

"Cathodic?" I asked, trying to relieve myself from being called to have the characteristic of a positive current electrode.


"I am! Are you?"


A big smile emerged on my face. "Do you go to Mass?"

He attends Mass regularly, the early bird one on Sunday. I was just smitten by these resurfacing facts. But then there is more to it coming.

He plays both organ and piano. "I play organ too, but I suck at piano," I said.

He described his preference in music for worship. "I don't really like St. Mary's since they become too charismatic. I hate acoustic guitar for church music. "

"Yeah! I like when they have violin...."

"..yeah and with piano..." he added.

"Yeah..are you OK with Gregorian chants?"

"Yeah, I love it, that's what I played on the CD over and over when I wrote my thesis."

I found out that he hates the holding hands on Our Father for hygienic issue. He probably shares my phobia of drinking from the same glass.

And then we moved on to the fundamental issues. He told me his stand and reasoning on abortion, capital punishment, poverty, and war. And I was further smitten by him.

He's just too good to be true. If only I can say, "where have you been all my life?"


Monday, October 01, 2007

Drama Queenery

In the middle of the crazy things that are life, boys are welcomed distractions:

  • Was asked about my Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, was told about his plan to take over my job next semester, listened to his involvement in a student-lead activity to relive a certain school flaming tradition, and discussed our favorite books! Good thing was that there was no red face evolved on my part.
  • Helped another boy on an urgent analyzing stuff to be included on his dissertation, and as a token of his gratitude was taken to a late dinner and lots of gossiping.
  • Exchanging social networking messages with a boy who told me he saw me late night on a weekend two weeks ago. And I didn't even think he saw me then. No, the exchange didn't lead anywhere except that I asked him to keep his eyes open for job opportunities for me with the company he's going to work for next year. That's still something, right? Ha ha.