Only Buddies, No Expectation, Not Boy-Crazed

Dear COoA, (Wait, I don't think such coveted role should exist with regard to my recent declaration of a no boycrazyhood, so I'd better adress you as you from now on.) So here we ago again...

Dear Roy,

I never cease to amaze myself with my ability to pack days and days worth of material into the precious 10-15 minute conversations between you and me. If there is an Olympics for it, I for sure deserve donning a wreath of wild olive leaves on top of my head. It's just you are so easy to talk with which forces me to leave the (wo)man of little word me.

Tonight, you caught me tidying up my messy office for the return of a seasonal officemate. From there, I felt that I fed you with too much information. I noticed you looking at your cellphone more than usual and avoiding eye contacts. I'm sure you were thinking, "will she ever stop talking?" And the phone, my office's, not yours, rang.

"Phone!" you said.
"Oh, no, I hope it's not the advisor....ah, it is him..." Truth was I was hoping for more undisturbed time to talk to you.
"I'm leaving..." you walked away, literally saved by the rings. I continued with my work. About an hour later you suddenly showed up at my door again.

"I lost my sample." You announced this bout of unfortunate situation still with the ever present of a smile.
"Lost? How could you lose it?" I was associating the word "lost" with "disappear" and thinking maybe there was a mysterious vortex in your lab claiming this sample.

And that was the start of an hour long conversation in which we found out that we are going to the same conference in two weeks. Ah, what a joy in my heart to have you as a company!

I hope we find a time to go somewhere around or at least for a meal on that Thursday before you take the red eye to be back here in time for your Friday morning teaching.

Sincerely,
H

Note-to-self:
It's just unbelievable how things (Re: previous post and this post) starting to turn "favoring" my direction after an aspiration has been formalized (and by formalized I mean is to jot it down here in the blog), rendering the said declaration meaningless. And now I look like a fool who caught contradicting everything she'd said. Self-contradictory, it is.

Back in the Burrow State of Mind

I'm revising what I said here. The not boy crazy situation is only applied to new potential ones out there, as apparently I'm still --or at least my subconcious is-- stuck at the idea of the one who got away.

I miss you so much, you starred in my REM episode last night. *sigh* And to think that tadi pagi elu tiba-tiba muncul dan manggil...you made my day.

Mashed Potatoes Are Painless

That witty NY came up with her own version of the M*A*S*H track, Suicide is Painless last night. Hers is called Mashed Potatoes are Painless. This just the sort of thing that bounds to happen, since my daily viewing of the series, other than invading her MTV watching schedule, also bored her to death.

The original version:

Through early morning fog I see
Visions of the things to be
The pains that are withheld from me
I realize and I can see

That suicide is painless
It brings so many changes
And I can take or leave it if I please

Just in case you want to hear the accompanying tunes.


NY's:

Through early big breakfast I see
Bountiful of food for me
The taste of everything that are sweet
I realize and I can see

That mashed potatoes are painless
It doesn't bring many changes
It only brings changes to your weight

Believe It or Not

evening.....
ckckckck

what?

lying here with you....

from a song silly
I couldn't careless about boys
new perspective

yeah right.....

I am serious

really ?
jaded that soon ?

yeah
hahaha

what happen ?

I don't know...

...

I feel fine and I feel good
I'm feeling like I never should
Whenever I get this way, I just don't know what to say
Why can't we be ourselves like we were yesterday

I'm not sure what this could mean
I don't think you're what you seem
I do admit to myself
That if I hurt someone else
Then I'll never see just what we're meant to be

Every time I see you falling
I get down on my knees and pray
I'm waiting for that final moment
You'll say the words that I can't say

Ungu

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VLaCP2bQ7Ek&mode=related&search=
enak deh

makanan apa

yeeee
hahaha

are you falling in love?

no
i just dumped her.. ha ha
but this song is still good

riiilliiiii

there's no replacing my ****
ha ha

huhuhuhuhu
this is a sad song

yeah

huhuhuhuhuhu

i'm going karaoke this weekend
this song is easy

tinggi

nggak ah
sedih bener lagunya :'(

embretttt

jadi skrg i single fighter aja
free as a bird

alasan putus...irreconcillable differences?

yes
artis banget ya

huahahahahaa

oh my Lord
ada yg barusan minjem microwave kantor gue...ampun baunya tuh badan
cewe gitu loh...orang bawang sih

huahahahaha

ini udah disemprot pengharum masih aja bauuuu

i bet u have lots of those in there

noooo...not in my area
not in my floor

oooo

pake parfum apa tuh yaa???
hoaohaohaho
bawang bombay essence

lol

oh no baunyaaaa

Essence of Bombay VII

by Sharukh Khan

lol

I need to evacuate myself for a while...goshh..pdhl jg lagi pilek kok masih kecium....later

SF Here I Come

It looks like I'm going to be in SF from April 10-13 to attend a conference and present a paper. It'd better be...because I just booked the plane and hotel and paid the pre-registration. It's just I had to pay all of these first and get reimbursed later. The process will take forever...six weeks, maybe? I'm poorer by $ 600.

On the other hand, this is gonna be the meeting of my whole academic career. I'm beyond giddied thinking about the presentation I need to prepare.

Then Give to Caesar What Is Caesar's...

A model of a countryside villa during the Imperial Rome era. (Bu Didi..this one is taken with you in mind)
I wish to entertain with the freshest food and booze in a similar triclinium fashion. Ha ha ha.

My favorite Roman emperor, Trajan, and I.

Malam Sabtu Kusendiri

Pake gaya NY kalo mo nyanyiin saya lagu sebelum tidur:
"Lagu ini saya persembahkan untuk KIH....yang lagi patah hati oleh ketidaksensitifannya Mas R..."

Sabtu malam kusendiri
Tiada teman kunanti
Di sekitar kulihat dia
Tiada seindah dulu

Mungkinkah ini berarti
Aku telah patah hati
Walaupun kuberkata bukan
Bukan itu

Ayo semua...pake suara satu, dua, dan tiga

Penyesalanku semakin dalam dan sedih
Aku serahkan semua milik dan hidupku
Aku tak mau menderita begini
Mudah mudahan ini hanya mimpi
Hanya mimpi

Koes Plus, Kisah Sedih di Hari Minggu

PS:
Karena Rec Center tutup terlalu cepat malam ini, jadinya tadi saya lari (12:15 AM, sehabisnya M*A*S*H) di sekitar sini aja, tentu saja dengan diiringi lagu-lagu (patah hati) Dewa. Ha ha ha.

Nona Centilaneh

I got a wedding to go to in June and damn it, I might already have a dress for it!
Need to shed a few pounds off and to find a more appropriate pair of shoes...and a date who is willing to fly halfway across the continent to Ohio. Cross that last one.

I'm going to be reading the First or Second Reading. Hence, the less skin ensemble.

The Game of Love

Dear COoA,

Argh, my hypothesis is proven right. Today, as I was just getting back from the loo and enter ing my office I saw you walked from your lab. There was a heartbreaking sigh just to see you around these days.

"How is it going?"
"OK...hey, I just found out today is the start of the Faculty & Staff holiday..."
"Yeah...it is. Are you going anywhere?"
"No....are you?"
"No, not really."

And then we got to the gist of your stopping by...a discussion on the relative merit of a certain measurement apparatus.

"I got a conflicting trend. It just didn't make sense."
"What's the range of this measurement?
You then wrote some figures on the white board.
"Ah...OK. Well, you're welcome to try ours. I'll be glad to show you around."

You must know something, COoA, whenever I'm around somebody I'm comfortable with, I'm easily engaged in long lively conversations with boundless topics, me being charmingly witty, funny and all (well, at least to me). All this time, I've been looking for somebody (of the opposite sex) who genuinely listens to where my wind blows. Apparently, you are such person. If only...

By the way, did you notice that everytime we talked a long talk like this, you've never been the one that indicated the end of the conversation. It has always been me. Like it means anything.

God bless my poor heart.

The game of life love is hard to play
I'm gonna lose it anyway

YadaMan

There was one year when my dreams were mostly involved a large body of water. I usually was swimming, being drown, or generally got sucked into the water and that it was always dark and gloomy. I never had such scary episodes these days. In fact, my dream last night was so funny, it was like watching a real life comedy and NY was the main star.

Background set-up:

1. I watched 300 on Saturday. There was one scene where the Spartans were attacked by 1000 arrows and all they could do was hiding behind theirs shields.
2. NY loves to get her fix of ice-cold coffee drink from the local coffee place by Mickey D. They sold them in cups like this
   
3. NY, despite being geulis in the way she dresses --and let's not forget her talent in applying make up, is not exactly geulis on the way she carries herself. The guys already adopted her as one of the bros, they even call her...Yada Man...
4. So her fellow "bros" had asked her to join a bunch of them for a paintball game sometime this next week.
   

The dream:

NY was in a one-on-one battle with some unknown person. Her enemy kept attacking her with somekind of projectile ammunition in the size of small rocks. By this time, she didn't have any of her weapons left, she was relying on her shield to protect her. The shield was in the shape of the lid on the above picture, except that it was really big to cover her body in full.

While she was shielding herself, the rest of her gank was behind the frontline but hesitated to help her even though the captain had already given out a command to relieve her from the attack. "Let's all go in to save Yada Boy from the enemy." But in the end, no one had enough courage and camaraderie to enter the battlefield, and that including the captain. He even came out with this yielding cry... "Yada Boy, why don't you just run for your life."

NY, however, bravely stayed behind her shield, until the enemy ran out of ammunition. And right then and there that's when she proceeded to retrieve to a safe place.

The end.

Wasn't funny, huh? It was funny to me, I woke up laughing so hard...and as for NY, I think she shared the same feeling as me.

The other thing I want to convey is that human mind is truly amazing in every state. How could those four independent facts are woven into one rounded scenario? OK, I'm not going Freudian on this.

Not Really the Solution, but Nevertheless

I tend to find shortcuts that will resolve a situation instead of fixing the root cause. I'm wondering if I've dealt with all the things in my life this way.

Anyway, two cases in progress:

Going bald
Instead of finding internal or external therapeutic stuff (medicine, nutrition, deep conditioning, etc), I've done two things that so far has been succesful in reducing the amount of hair in the drain:

1. I wash my hair before the first sign of oil resurfaced --> gravity (clean hair weighs less)
2. I went to part it the other way-->relieving strain and stress from the old side
   

Bad circulation
When working in front of the computer, I mostly use the mouse while keeping the left hand close to my body. This leaves the right hand very cold. I suppose it is a bad circulation problem. I've been switching the mouse to the left side while keeping the setting for right hand--I've trained my left hand to do the same tasks, it's working. My right hand never felt cold anymore (the circulation problem is never too bad on the left hand in the first place).

PS:
Regarding training non-dominant part of your body to the same task as its counterpart...
Driving manual car requires one two use both feet. In my case the arrangement was one foot for the gas pedal, the other for the clutch and brake pedals. When I switched to drive automatic, I only used one foot to alternate between the brake and the gas pedals, until one day I got an idea to use the other foot for braking. It was hard at really first, but now I can brake as smooth as the right foot.

Suicide is Painless

Hey, waddayaknow...it is actually possible to be working, having fun, and getting entertained at almost the same time span, on a weekend no less. Take tonight for instance, I was working on finishing the manuscript while chatting with four of my favorite guys (minus you, T, where are you these days anyway?) and one special girl who takes in an anti-social mood for the weekend. The entertainment part was from watching two episodes of M*A*S*H. That series rock. Not trying to diminish the potential of a suicidal me, but the above title actually refers to the theme of the said series. Thanks, B, for pointing out the title.

And to think that just a few hours before, I was feeling particularly depressed thinking about this...(typed it from memory as I don't have the chat history handy)...I was making a joke out of the situation but it went back to hit me in the head.

dulu ya Bu, saya bangga dengan kesendirian saya
tapi lama-lama mikir...ini kan sendirinya bukan by choice
tapi...by default
hoaohaoaohao

hahaha
lucu2

One hour of solid working out did pay off. I got the endorphine running and in no time was back to the positive me.

PS:
...the lyrics to SiP

Through early morning fog I see
visions of the things to be
the pains that are withheld for me
I realize and I can see...

[REFRAIN]:
that suicide is painless
It brings on many changes
and I can take or leave it if I please.

The game of life is hard to play
I'm gonna lose it anyway
The losing card I'll someday lay
so this is all I have to say.

[REFRAIN]

The sword of time will pierce our skins
It doesn't hurt when it begins
But as it works its way on in

The pain grows stronger...watch it grin, but...

[REFRAIN]

A brave man once requested me
to answer questions that are key
is it to be or not to be

and I replied 'oh why ask me?'

[REFRAIN]

...and you can do the same thing if you please.

A Bad Idea

babe, gue lagi kejatuhan cinte :P

hahaahahha
ma siapa?
ayo ayo cerita

halah nggak guna juga sih
mo ngapain jgua
anak grad juga

terus terus

ya biasalah...sepihak lah pastinya

aduhhhhhh
ayo lah
di tepuk di dua belah tangan lah

how??

kita pikirin gimana
progress gimana
terus dia tau ngga?

ya enggak lah
mau mengulang kesalahan???

coba di pancing2 dia nya dengen sexual attraction

he??? mancing ?

iya

kedip2?
kelilipan?
hoaoaohoha

aduhhhh jgn kayak anak SD gitu dong
ntar kita bisa buat plan of action... tp butuh detail info dulu

ih
detail apa?

belom tau sih, tp pasti bisa
gampang nge handle cowo
ntar gw interview loe dan kita arrange bareng2

hhhhhh

A Lecture

Dear COoA,

It's interesting how our paths crossed: your current research area and mine, your previous research area and the class I'm in now, and not to mention our teaching works last semester.

Today, you sat beside me in a lecture. Let me explain why that was excruciatingly memorable. That whole time, I was sitting by myself, sipping bottled water and reading the funnies on The Batt, I was saying to myself, wouldn't it be nice if you sat by me, it would be like watching a (n intellectual) movie together. And out of nowhere, you came. For a second I had a tiny bit of hope that we were like that Niles and Daphne on the first six seasons of Frasier. The next second, crushing my foolish hope, I realized that your usual gang of idiots Latinos had not arrived yet, hence your choice of seat.

"I have rashes all over, that's why I'm wearing this..." Out of nothing you pointed to your black windbreaker.

"What happened?" I said with oogling eyes full of symphaty.

"I spent a lot of time outside last weekend. It might be from something in one of the parks I'd been." You elaborated.

"Can I see it?" I don't know why it came out my mouth. You then lifted the jackets to expose your right arm.

"It's not red..." I said, looking at the cream covered skin.

"It's not, it's just itchy."

Poor baby. Must be dragging to feel like that for days.

Yours truly,
H

PS:
This infatuation phase should be short and less painful in the end. There were no butterflies in my stomach except for the occasional blushings...unlike when I was on those two greatest infatuations of all time. He he he.

Nevermind

Pengen marah...tapi sama siapa, terhadap apa, kenapa. Marah aja kok bingung. Nevermind...

Just Stuff

I just couldn't concentrate on writing--there is a very important manuscript hollering to be finished by the early deadline this Sunday. Reason being is that I stayed up until five this morning working on a homework. It's just ridiculous the amount of work and time poured on what supposed to be a simple task, most of it are bookkeeping and organizing.

I woke up at nine something to a text message beep, apparently we won the third place for the Saman. I tried to force myself for more sleep but just couldn't. When I'm deprived of sleeping time, I wouldn't be able to focus, inevitably spoiling the whole day. And to think the amount of chips (potato and white chocolate) I had been consuming all night. Pressure and depression sure add up this time around.

An e-mail from the advisor asked everyone in the group to be at the lab 11 AM pronto. We were to filming the day-to-day operation of the c*l*e*a*n*r*o*om (CR) for the research website. When I arrived at eleven something, the advisor went MIA for an hour or so, and since the building proctor called me back just in time, I manage to bring four bottles of waste solvent to the storage room.

When we finished filming, three or four of us were working on to locate a huge leak on a gas line. Bubbles wouldn't give in any clues, helium detector was not working, but we managed to track down the root problem ingenuously. It's now a matter on how to solve it. Tricky.

Now, it's getting back to the writing task at hand. Focus focus. A caffeine intake will be really helpful.

Oh, yesterday, a stranger was looking at me for the longest time. We were waiting for the elevator.

"How are you?" I was being amicable.

"Good. Are you from India?" He replied.

His question was unorthodox because a white American guy wouldn't ask such thing in favor of not being rude.

"Oh, no, I'm from Indonesia. And where are you from? Are you from here?" I replied.

"I am from Africa." He said. The remark made his previous question less offensive.

"Oh, South Africa?" It was my turn to be curious.

"Kenya..."

According to Wiki there is about approximately 25,000 white population out of the 30 millions Kenyans. Interesting.

The End is Near

Dear COoA,

I got a gutsy feeling that the end (of Roygate) is near. It's been so many months with no sign of progress but my sinking self--God bless my meek heart. I will keep writing this stalker diary just for hang of it and to enjoy the feeling of being infatuated while it lasts, it's been a while since. Viva patheticum!

So here it is. I was just come into a forced enlightment that all these time you dropped by purely for the purpose of acquiring some trinkets and no other sneaky things beyond. It was a paper clip one day, a USB connector the other day, the list of locker combination today.

Today, you were here at 11:08 AM. Despite of the fact that you have high propensity for cold weather, you dressed warm with a gray Northface pullover and a blue lumberjack long sleeves shirt underneath.

"Don't you have a class now?" I said.

"Yeah, it's starting. I just have a quick question, do you still have the combination number for the lockers? It's getting worst now, no one knows anything."

You and I reamed through the mountain of paperworks. I hated myself to be such an unorganized person. I know it's somewhere in my TA folder, it was just not in order.

"Ah, here, I know I saw it the other day. You can have it."

"Thanks. I'll see you later," you said and then you walked towards the hallway.

"I like your country's performance at that I-Week show," I half-screamed.

"Oh, so you went?" You walked back to my office with a smile in your face and your twinkling eyes. Those eyes are some of the things I like about you. They're just full of life.

I described just enough of the performance since you were on a tight schedule. You listened attentively.

"...and then, they had an afterparty on Saturday...at Frederiko's...but I didn't go."

"...Frederiko's...but I didn't go."

We both said the exact same thing. It was too cute.

"I'm not a sociable person this semester." You said.

"Why? Not enough time, too many things to do?" I said maybe a bit pestering.

"I don't know...just don't feel like it...I'll see you later."

"Later."

Ah, a free agent again (and always). I cherish the day when these unfortunate circumstances are finally passed.

Sincerely,
Penguins Dance

Movie, Saman

Our own high ranking Hon Honor Society/BTA officers, Ade Hon and Kak Yada Hon, had been organizing with fellow compatriots to attend the I-Week afterparty last night. The party was held at a Mexican restaurant. Wait...what's up with holding it in that kind of place, one would ask. Here it is and what a clever scheme it was! The premise is situated in the famous (or rather, infamous?) Gerbang Utara. It's definitely, killing two birds with one stone.

Alas, the temperature dropped so fast (to the higher 30's...but hey, T.I.CS, that's already too cold) and the duos didn't feel like going anymore (oh the horror of having to cover up their lovely outfits with appropriate outerwears). They, instead, decided to join yourstruly to a night at the movie. We watched The Zodiac. I failed to warn them that it was going to be a 157-minute flick. And what a gory and long and full of details movie it was. Despite my training in Law & Order watching, I had obscure understanding of the facts presented and the links in between. Let me put it this way, Ade, who underwent several cycle of light sleeps throughout the movie, still managed to catch the gist of the story.

Here are two visual recordings of the Indonesian Students Association a.k.a. PERMIAS TAMU performance at the 2007 I-Week Variety Show. Ade Hon was one of the emcees and both KIkH and KYH, (oh and even our Honorary Member #1) were in the actual dance. Congratulations all three! BTA.

Three Days in a Row!

After days depriving me of your presence around, you suddenly showed up at my door. (Re: Previous Post. :P This thing is getting...norak-er by each post. You even have your own category now, you know.) I was so happy to see you, as always, it made my day. You were wearing a red lumberjack shirt that would look dab on anyone else but it looked good on you. It brightened up...your skin?

"How are you?" you asked after you called my name. It was such a dulcet sound to my ears.

"Tired..." I said while trying to make myself looked naturally oh-so-helpless.

"Tired...what happened?" You came towards my direction, pulled a chair to sit beside me while preparing yourself to listen to every single things I would be complaining about the world and whatnot.

I showed you what I was working on all this week and the things that didn't work out. When we talked about school stuff, it was like your world and my world collided harmoniously. It's in the way you understood those things. Heck, man, it surely is nice to be able to speak with someone who speaks the same language.

One conspicuous other thing I've been noticing everytime we were in the close proximity to each other is the increase of blood circulation towards my head in the form of my reddening face. I am sure you should have noticed it by now. Aw...have I been really really infatuated by you?

"Are you coming to the thing tonight?" my reference to the annual I-Week Talent Show.

"Man, I would look stupid sitting alone. All my friends are participating. I'll probably just gonna take a video of them dancing." I wondered if I smoothly disguised the meaning behind.

"I don't even know what I'm going to do tonight but I don't think I'm going." Your declaration promptly pulled a "darn it" look on my face.

"Why don't youand I go together?" I was about to ask you but I was able to retract myself from being thus forward. I've promised myself to enjoy these moments and to do nothing more at my own discretion. Well at least, beside the "ever reliable" F-book thing, I know you most probably are perfectly available. *oinking winking at Bu Didi*


Gosh, the posts are supposed to be making fun of the so-called state of infatuation...why are they starting to take the other way around?

Sepinya Dunia

sigh

'sup

saya udah brp hari nggak disapa si R
lewat aja gitu depan kantor nggak say hi

yaooloohh
emang biasanya disapa bu

ohaohaohaohaohahoaohahoohaohaohahoaohahooha
biasanya kan disamperin :P

rili
lagi sibuk kali

iya kali ya
tapi biasanya ngelirik ke dalem...senyum
ini yang bablas aja jalan

atau lagi mikirin cewenya :P

HUHUHUHU

hahahaha
anda nih iseng bgt

ohaohaohaohahoohahoa